Beyond 100 Days: How Dads Can Help

I spoke to a lot of mums, including my wife, to confirm that the steps in First 100 Days (And Beyond): The Important Role Dads Can (And Should) Play were genuinely helpful.

What came through clearly from those conversations was that emotional support sits at the top of the list—not just in the first 100 days, but well beyond.

Rather than this post being a Part 2, I thought I’d set out a standalone reflection on what emotional support actually looks like in practice.

Emotional support

This is where I think the advice ‘Be a pin cushion for the mum’ comes into play. 

Keep reminding her of the qualities that made you fall in love with her:

• her beauty—especially when she’s likely adjusting to a changing post-pregnancy body

• her career ambitions—especially when she’s probably craving adult conversations and tired of singing The Happy Song on repeat

• her capacity for love—after the immense sacrifices she’s already made, and will continue to make, for your child

• her strength—after seeing her herculean efforts in childbirth and the repeated, often invisible, marathon of nights spent settling a baby and starting again the next day. 

Win back sleep and rest for mum

And then there’s sleep. Precious, non-negotiable sleep: the foundation of emotional regulation.

There’s no benefit in both parents being sleep deprived. That was the act of heroism my wife pulled early on when she sent me to the spare room during the newborn phase so at least one of us could get a proper block of rest.

But where there’s a moment to win sleep back for the mum: take it. 

For me, that meant waking around 5.30–6.00am (when winter still feels like night) and taking the first wake window so she could sleep in. Or doing the 10.30pm dream feed so she could go to bed earlier.

She might not even be asleep, but, it still gives her uninterrupted time lying horizontal, not responsible for anyone else.

The early mornings and late nights might’ve meant burning the candles at both ends for me. But it also meant I had a continuous block of solitary sleep. 

Plus, I only started the dream feeds when our boy was 4 months, and some guides say to stop the dream feed at 6 months. So I saw it as only ~60 opportunities to sit in the dark, while both of my favourite people slept: one feeding, one resting.

Massages

After a long day of working on baby and in the office it can be tempting to grab your phones, sit on the couch and scroll. 

But I encourage you to grab mum’s favourite moisturiser or body balm and give her a neck and shoulder massage. It’s a great way to connect—physically and emotionally—and catch up on the day. 

It also helps refill her reserves heading into nights of broken sleep, carrier naps, and the physical load of lifting, carrying and resetting a baby again and again.

Which leads to another important way dads can help in the first 100 days and beyond.

Be prepared to do all of the physical stuff 

Given the mum has already done the extraordinary physical work of bringing life into the world, the least a dad can do is show up physically ready.

This isn’t about a “dad glow-up.” It’s about building and maintaining strength for what is, in my experience, one of the most physically demanding periods of life.

The hours of lifting a baby through bouts of reflux, teething and general unrest are often followed by long carrier naps. And no matter how ergonomic a carrier is marketed to be, you’re still carrying what feels like a growing watermelon—straining your neck, traps, shoulders and lower back.

Since dads don’t go through the physical transformation of pregnancy, this is where we can contribute meaningfully.

For me, Pilates and yoga helped with core and stability. Running helped with cardio and mental reset. And strength sessions on the Peloton app (all you need is a set of medium dumbbells at home) helped build the base strength needed for daily lifting.

Do as you’re told

My wife wanted a specific reference to this because there were numerous times when I wouldn’t rush over to the baby quick enough when he was crying.

Mothers are often making a constant stream of rapid decisions under fatigue and pressure—it can feel a bit like having 50 Safari tabs open at once.

So if a request doesn’t make immediate sense, or even seems inconsistent, that’s not the moment to debate logic.

Just do as you’re told—that’s the most helpful thing you can do in that moment.

Suspend your ego (and pick your timing)

As of writing this in 2026, women are now out-educating men in many fields.

For instance, when my wife and I were admitted to practise law, we noticed that women significantly outnumbered men in the Supreme Court that day. The following year, Victoria reached a milestone: the number of practising female lawyers exceeded those of male lawyers for the first time.

My point isn’t that your partner necessarily had bigger career ambitions than you. It’s that she would have had ambitions of her own that motherhood will now require her to pause or reshape. 

And then motherhood can force a pause on those ambitions.

I have a lot more reflections on this topic which I’ll share in a dedicated post but in the meantime, this video summarises 3 essential reads if you want to better understand the significant shifts in identity mums have to go through.

In summary, your partner’s just gone through a permanently life-changing event that has profoundly changed both your lives. So when you think about your own ambitions, remember the things she may putting on hold, too.

There is a way forward

This isn’t about never doing anything for yourself.

For me, exercise, seeing family, and writing for Latte Dad are all important, but they also take time away from mum and baby.

The way I try to navigate it is by asking:

• Has she had time to rest or do something for herself?

• Will this give me more energy in the long run?

If the answer’s yes—I proceed.

If it’s maybe—I check in and time it carefully.

If it’s no—it waits.

How did these ideas land for you? I’d love to hear other perspectives in the comments!

-Will

Where was I writing this?

05/02/26 Small Wins  ($5 with Skip voucher, large almond cappuccino—creamy, hazelnut, smooth)