3. Supporting the Mother (and Yourself)

No matter what you go through as a father, the mother has it tougher—period. This probably goes without saying, but your role before and after birth is critical. To make it more tangible, here’s a breakdown of what I found genuinely helpful:

Carer of Mum and Baby:

• Pouring countless glasses of water and making endless cups of tea.

• Soothing baby while mum showers or naps.

• Massaging mum to bring down swelling and aches from the birth.

• Managing messages from well-meaning family and friends who want updates.

• Full-time nappy changer (to minimise mum’s physical strain).

Executive Assistant:

• Documenting everything—midwives and pediatricians will flood you with information.

• Being the 'shared brain' for your partner when she’s exhausted.

• Picking up UberEats orders for much-needed flavour variety from hospital food.

• Tidying the tiny hospital room to bring order to post-birth chaos.

• Handling an oversupply of gifts and flowers (side note: coordinated meal delivery is the best gift new parents could receive).

Bulldog/Bad Cop:

• Advocating for your partner’s needs, especially if she’s hesitant to ask for help.

• Ensuring she receives the right postpartum care and pain management.

• Arguing with hospital staff to regulate heating/cooling to keep mum and baby comfortable.

Don't suffer in silence

That said, fathers shouldn’t suffer in silence—postpartum depression and anxiety in dads is real and underreported. Without family help and some time for myself, I could feel myself heading into that tunnel (I intend on writing a future post detailing self-care tips that helped me get through tough periods).

If I had my time again, I’d have gotten help from day one at home—whether from family, friends, or even a confinement nanny for 30-40 days. This journey has been the hardest thing my wife and I have ever experienced. It’s something that’s hard to fully grasp unless you’ve been through it.

This post marks the end of the Pre-Baby Preparation & Mindset series—next up is the Labour, Birth & Hospital Support series. 

But are there any tips or ideas that you think are missing in this post or the series? Let me know in the comments!

-Will

Where was I writing this? 27/3/25 Nine Yards ($7.13 large Matcha Maiden almond latte—nutty, unsweetened, warming)